She opened her eyes, slowly
Cold marble under her back sent a shiver down her spine and she sighed and made a movement with her mind and was standing with a slight crunch
The room was as she left it the night before
A thousand vid-screens showed a thousand images, a thousand more were smashed. Crystal and glass shards littered the floor of the room that went on for miles in every direction. The screens followed a giant curve that moved over marble floors through gossamer walls of mist, over hills and through forests. Everything went on for miles in every direction, there was no curve of a planet, no wall at the far end of vision, there was just... infinity.
Again....
She sighed scowling.
With a blink she was clothed and walked around stretching and stopped at a table. The heavy blanket of sleep that used to take so long to get out of wasn't here. One minute she was asleep, then she was awake. That too caused her to scowl. She used to like crossing the boarder between sleep and being awake, a small victory in a day which could go either way. Now gone.
The table was laid for breakfast, a hundred plates of food were stretched out before her. As she had correctly mused before, almost every breakfast she had ever eaten was here. From the slave gruel to the steaks of endangered species. She didn't need to eat, she had found that out quickly enough, but habits are habits and she selected a plate and walked towards one of the screens and watched while she ate. Eventually, she mused, she would work out this place.
With a gesture of her mind she fell backwards into a large comfortable sofa and started watching what was on the screen.....
Carmilla lay down on the doctors couch and watched the dust in the air glimmering as it fell slowly through the beams of sunlight coming through the office window. Far away the star Rens shone like a jewl in the darkness, set against the dust clouds of the far off nebula. She tilted her head and watched as the window slowly polarised.
"How are you feeling today?"
She stretched slightly and looked up at the doctor. For the past week they had worked together to try and retun the parts of her memory she had lost. It hadn't worked.
"I feel good, Doctor. I seem to be dreaming a lot. Strange dreams, but I just can't pin any details down."
"We did monitor you last night and didn't notice any change to your sleep pattern, or excessive REM. All in all, you seem to be in almost perfect health. You do have an addiction to blue pill and to, I hate to say it, Vitoc. Luckily your medical records are complete and up to date, so I was able to give you the right amounts, of the right varients."
"Did you check my other clones?"
"That we can find, there is only one. It seems that when you found out you had been infected with Vitoc you destroyed them yourself."
She let the words sink in. So many questions, so much she needed to know, to find out. The answere were there, she knew, but hidden just out of touch, behind a gossamer veil.
"Why would I do that? Unless I thought I could have found a cure."
"There is no cure, and the one that people talk about is a myth."
"Regardless, it may have been that someone I know, who cared about me was trying to find one."
"Well they didn't. They can't. You can't find somethign that doesn't exist. I'm sorry if I'm upfront on this, but you have this for the rest of your life. Luckily for you it seems you have found your own way around this in public. I must say I do like your quaffe injectors."
"Is my other clone infected as well? And how did you find it?"
"We found it when we checked the logs and backtracked to your corporation station. I can confirm that you have been a member of the Red Federation for over a month and a half. Before that, as the record says, you were a Disciple, but that corp seems to have folded, the alliance broken up."
She rolled over onto her side and looked at the doctor.
"I dont remember any of it. I mean... I have skills.... I can fly all sorts of ships, but I can't remember doing it... and I dont' remember the vitoc.. or the quaffe."
The doctor took out a datatablet and began taking notes.
"Well what do you mean? Can you elaborate?"
"I pulled my details from various nets while you were away. I could break into your computer easily and then into the station net. I found records, details, pictures, movies.... rewards. But I dont remember any of it, not even when I try."
She sighed and got up and walked to the window.
"How many times have I looked at this view. Maybe not from here, but from other rooms in this station, or others. I dont know. It's.... infuriating. From what I've seen, I have a rich and interesting past, even if some of it seems unreal."
"There is nothing more I can do for you. I can only hope that in the passing of time whatever has caused this memory loss will go fade, or go away, or break. And you'll have your memory back."
"Maybe... this is all for the good. I mean, I'll have some learning to do, but every time I go to use my skills they are there. The potential is there."
She turned and walked back to the doctor and offered her hand. He took it and grasped it between his own.
"Doctor, I have to thank you. You've been most helpful."
"Aach, I have done nothing, I feel a failure for not doing more.... Are you allright?"
"How are you feeling today?"
She stretched slightly and looked up at the doctor. For the past week they had worked together to try and retun the parts of her memory she had lost. It hadn't worked.
"I feel good, Doctor. I seem to be dreaming a lot. Strange dreams, but I just can't pin any details down."
"We did monitor you last night and didn't notice any change to your sleep pattern, or excessive REM. All in all, you seem to be in almost perfect health. You do have an addiction to blue pill and to, I hate to say it, Vitoc. Luckily your medical records are complete and up to date, so I was able to give you the right amounts, of the right varients."
"Did you check my other clones?"
"That we can find, there is only one. It seems that when you found out you had been infected with Vitoc you destroyed them yourself."
She let the words sink in. So many questions, so much she needed to know, to find out. The answere were there, she knew, but hidden just out of touch, behind a gossamer veil.
"Why would I do that? Unless I thought I could have found a cure."
"There is no cure, and the one that people talk about is a myth."
"Regardless, it may have been that someone I know, who cared about me was trying to find one."
"Well they didn't. They can't. You can't find somethign that doesn't exist. I'm sorry if I'm upfront on this, but you have this for the rest of your life. Luckily for you it seems you have found your own way around this in public. I must say I do like your quaffe injectors."
"Is my other clone infected as well? And how did you find it?"
"We found it when we checked the logs and backtracked to your corporation station. I can confirm that you have been a member of the Red Federation for over a month and a half. Before that, as the record says, you were a Disciple, but that corp seems to have folded, the alliance broken up."
She rolled over onto her side and looked at the doctor.
"I dont remember any of it. I mean... I have skills.... I can fly all sorts of ships, but I can't remember doing it... and I dont' remember the vitoc.. or the quaffe."
The doctor took out a datatablet and began taking notes.
"Well what do you mean? Can you elaborate?"
"I pulled my details from various nets while you were away. I could break into your computer easily and then into the station net. I found records, details, pictures, movies.... rewards. But I dont remember any of it, not even when I try."
She sighed and got up and walked to the window.
"How many times have I looked at this view. Maybe not from here, but from other rooms in this station, or others. I dont know. It's.... infuriating. From what I've seen, I have a rich and interesting past, even if some of it seems unreal."
"There is nothing more I can do for you. I can only hope that in the passing of time whatever has caused this memory loss will go fade, or go away, or break. And you'll have your memory back."
"Maybe... this is all for the good. I mean, I'll have some learning to do, but every time I go to use my skills they are there. The potential is there."
She turned and walked back to the doctor and offered her hand. He took it and grasped it between his own.
"Doctor, I have to thank you. You've been most helpful."
"Aach, I have done nothing, I feel a failure for not doing more.... Are you allright?"
Failure, yes I can remember when I thought I was, when everything I did to keep her failed. And yet now, I walked away from her, and look what has happened. Can I take all the blame on myself? Or even a part of it? I failed her more than anyone will ever know
Carmilla shuddered violently and looked around her. The shivers down her spine as of someone walking over her grave.
"I.. dont' know. Something, a reaction a very powerful emotional reaction to what you said."
"Then there is still work to do... but I am not the person to help you it seems. Here, I have a list of places that I could obtain that you have been recently. Perhaps a visit to these places will stir some memories, and here, a list of people who you may have had interactions with."
"Doctor....."
She looked at the list on the datatablet he passed her and transfered it to her own.
"What if I don't like who I was. I mean, Vitoc is used for slaves. Was I a slave?"
"A capsuleer slave? I find that very unlikely. But it merits a search. There is another problem."
"More?"
She sighed and walked over to a wall covered in pictures and traced her finger over the profile of a typhoon battleship.
"There are large parts of your past that I simply can't find. I've checked various databases, the entries have been wiped, scrambled, and in one case replaced with music. Someone out there doesn't want you to remember who you are, or what you were."
"Was I that hated? I wonder.... was I a monster?"
"Regardless my dear, for one such as yourself what has been done to you is a crime. Don't be surprised if security or the local police come to see you. If this can be done once, it can be done again."
"I thank you Doctor. Please, keep in touch if you find anything else. I think I'm going to go to the Eystur system. My quaffe-vitoc capsules are stamped with the local factory there. It's as good as any other place to start."
"I.. dont' know. Something, a reaction a very powerful emotional reaction to what you said."
"Then there is still work to do... but I am not the person to help you it seems. Here, I have a list of places that I could obtain that you have been recently. Perhaps a visit to these places will stir some memories, and here, a list of people who you may have had interactions with."
"Doctor....."
She looked at the list on the datatablet he passed her and transfered it to her own.
"What if I don't like who I was. I mean, Vitoc is used for slaves. Was I a slave?"
"A capsuleer slave? I find that very unlikely. But it merits a search. There is another problem."
"More?"
She sighed and walked over to a wall covered in pictures and traced her finger over the profile of a typhoon battleship.
"There are large parts of your past that I simply can't find. I've checked various databases, the entries have been wiped, scrambled, and in one case replaced with music. Someone out there doesn't want you to remember who you are, or what you were."
"Was I that hated? I wonder.... was I a monster?"
"Regardless my dear, for one such as yourself what has been done to you is a crime. Don't be surprised if security or the local police come to see you. If this can be done once, it can be done again."
"I thank you Doctor. Please, keep in touch if you find anything else. I think I'm going to go to the Eystur system. My quaffe-vitoc capsules are stamped with the local factory there. It's as good as any other place to start."
Eystur.... aaah yes my home away from home, when I'm not at Seshala. Go there next, Seshala. Seshala!
Carmilla stopped and turned to the Doctor with another shiver.
"Was there anything in those records about.... the Seshala system?"
Interaction? To something I shouted? Interesting...This is a screen to watch. Perhaps I am in my own mind, locked out and watching what is happening. A real, this is your life. It makes sense, this all this is my mind, the screens are my memories, everything that happens here is because I want it to.... so there must be a way out.
"Why yes, there was a delivery note for a consignment to go to a planet in the Seshala system. I transfered the details to you. Why? Do you remember something?"
She reached behind her head and massaged the pod interface ports, hidden under their faux-skin covering.
"Just a hunch... or perhaps a whisper from a ghost."
She looked into the mirror by the door and stared at her face, her one good eye twinkling.
"Regardless, when I am ready I will return..."
A ghost. Yes. Though maybe with me here to guide you we'll make less mistakes than we did before. I wish though... that.....
A hand reached down and touched her shoulder and a voice as soft as honey and as tranquil as the morning whispered in her ear
I am here, I will always be here
I am here, I will always be here
She reached up and took hold of the hand and sighed happily. The khanid woman slipped onto the chair with her and together they watched the screen. All around them everything else faded away until all there was was just the one screen and the chair.
When I am ready, I will return. I know how, I think. Regardless, this will be a journey of discovery for all of us...
When I am ready, I will return. I know how, I think. Regardless, this will be a journey of discovery for all of us...
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