Saturday, 11 May 2013

Last Stop - Home

Consequences. Everything has consequences. I think I knew that when I saw her name on the guest list. That itching feeling around my third implant slot, the one that never goes away. The tremor in my hand. Even the weight of my pistol, none gave me comfort.

I knew I'd made a mistake when I hugged Eric. He felt the pistol, I could see it in his eyes. And the second mistake when I heard security over the link telling Lady Mel that I was carrying a gun. Consequences. I didn't manage to activate the cutout in time, guess I must be getting old. From then on, they all watched me, like animals. I remember the feeling, I had it once before. A feeling that kept me alive, oh how I have missed it.

Leo knew though, that I was going to kill someone. As ever, with his bored indifference he managed to make me stop. He didn't even raise his voice. He just... said... no.

And so I did not put the barrel of the pistol into my mouth. I did not pull the trigger on my last clone. I did not end it in one glorious flash of light and pain. And because of that, I knew I had finally arrived at my destination.

For years I have wandered, alone and afraid. Without her guidance. I thought once that I would be free from her, and realised that I was only trying to escape my own inadequacies. For what am I without her? Nothing. Has it truly taken so long to understand that? I think no, but I've been to ashamed to admit it, to her, to myself, that I made a mistake.

I have a bottle of her favorite wine, the vintage is the day of her birth. Her true birth, not her journey into the ranks of the capsuleers. I will attend to her, as I always did, with a glass of wine waiting for her. Then I will take my place by her side.

If she will have me.

Thank you Eric, for being there for me. I know you, my good friend, will be there if I fall, as my strength will fail me the closer I get to her. I have seen she can protect herself, I know she will if she feels I am a threat to her. So I hand over my pistol to the guards, and alone, with nothing save my bared open soul and a glass of wine I go to face my destiny, and, with luck, she will take me home.



  1. I admit: I have lost track of your storyline(s) - there is so much to read out there.

    But even if taken as one-off stand-alone: awesome.

  2. Thanks mate, yeah it has gone little erratic, but that's eve and real life getting mixed up :) should be back on track soon :)