Tuesday, 15 February 2011


Carmilla walked amongst the dunes of the beach on the far side of the island. Here the wind blew off the ocean, the tall grasses bending, waving to her. From where she sat she could see the smaller islands dotted in the distance, here it was tranquil, people knew not to come here when she was here.

Adjusting her dress she sat down and pulled out her datatablet and pulled out a pistol, laying the pistol in her lap while she began typing on the datatablet.

Personal Log - The hour of scampering, the day of mourning

An approprite day, day of mourning. For I am in mourning for my lost Ithiria. I have no one to blame but myself, I had thought I had learnt most lessons.... but some will ever escape me.

I saw Mizhara yesterday. When I saw her, I froze. Only Hinare kept me in a calm state of mind, or god knows I might have fallen to my knees I felt that weak. She looks good, looks as she used to look, better than the last time I was with her at least.

It was as if I was a child again, in her presence. What must I have looked like to her? A scared helpless child holding on desperatly to her man who looked around with indifference, not knowing the past. And she did call me child again, as she used to. Hinare, Hinare my love, you don't know what the past was like for me, if you did you would never have let me come here.

I lost so much but gained to little, at least I thought. Seeing Kael walking where I should have been broke my heart. But having Ithiria declare she would only have one wife, and that wife wasn't me... shattered my soul. I was expecting most of what happened, but not that. Never that. I surprised myself all I utterd was a sob, even though all heard it. Were it not for Hinare, my angel, my pillar... I might not have left the Masquerade.

However.... I spoke at length with her, I appologised, I never thought I would have gotten the chance. It is difficult to admit you were wrong, pride... one of the sins I am guilty of. I think she was surprised at my emotions for Hinare. Unfortunately he has more problems than I do. She was also surprised that my Master, for it is what we was, gave me my slave contract to do with as I wanted. Were it not for the sights I saw today I would have kept it and given it back to Ithiria, as Hinare should have done when it was given to him, but I can't fault him, my love.

Maybe this is what Ithiria had in mind all this time. After all, if you love someone that much you will do anything to make them happy... even if it hurts themself. I should know, I've been in this position enough times. But Ithiria has what she wants. Miz has what she wants. Esna.... well, Esna will always be Esna. Regardless... I still think somehow I could have done more.

And anyway, Miz is now her wife and I should be happy for them both. I guess i am. For I have my Hinare.

I trusted Ithiria before with my life, I can not trust her less now. If this is the path she has chosen for me, I owe it to her to walk that path. Who knows where I will be in a month or two.

I have plans now. Things to do. People to see. Places to go.

Tears to shed.....


I am free. I just returned from Khanid, my slave contract has been revoked. This is not like before.... now I truly am free. I looked at my record on file with the Khanid. I'm still considered a criminal, and they warned me that without Holder Deritans protection if I return to Khanid space I will be arrested.

Not that it matters. I'm sitting here on the beach, I have Kazeraiths gun that I modified so I can fire it. But in rage against the sky... or at myself. Putting myself out of my misery. Yessari has sent me a cryptic message. He has Angelina.

Carmilla closed the datatablet and picked up the gun. It was a heavy beast of a gun and she could see why it was his favorite. If she put the gun against her head, she mused, then the last few days never happened. It... was tempting.

The gun shot disturbed the birds that were nesting and hundreds of them flew into the sky, their wings pure white again the azure blue of the sky.

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