...And a Hard Place

The blood washed off easily enough. Hot water and soap worked wonders. It would be more difficult to get the blood out of her clothes, but fire cleans everything else.

What she had just done.... needed to be done. The strength that had been shown her, the resolve, the defiance. All that had been washed away in a brief flurry of words. She now felt... alone. Soon her Master would return and find what she had done. She would be punished if he worked out what she had done. Or if she talked.

Carmilla, my sister, I told our mother I would always look after you. I told her no matter what I would not see you come to harm. How I cursed the universe when I was one day too late to save you from Gallicia and you spent the next six years in hell. How I cursed when I found the true cost to saving you from Kaelali after your abortive raid on her holdings. But all that I would do again.

I cursed and screamed to your face when you told me you were becoming a slave on your own free will, selling yourself. Making all I had done to keep you away from the Amarr worthless. I cursed and screamed to your face and you screamed back and your words stirred my soul as I saw you happy, for the first time in a long long time. I saw you proud... I saw you belonged. And that made my predicament all the more bearable... because if you could do it... I could do it.

But I was wrong, the cost was high, the humiliation unbearable.... until Ithiria. She showed me the way, as she showed you. Better than Esna could ever do. And I placed Ithiria on a pedestal, my reason to carry on in bondage.

And you turned your back on her.

Hurt her....

And those around her.....

I did what I did for you my Sister. Because I love you. And it needed to be done.

Perhaps.... you will forgive me one day....

Perhaps... one day... I will forgive myself....

I love you Carmilla....