Torment

Carmilla didn't sleep that night. Her mind was in torment, her body was exhausted, her thoughts were scattered. Usually when she was like this she would find something to take her mind off it, robbing an estate, sleeping with her partner, or as of late, worshipping her Mistress.

But all that had changed. There were too many choices. William's have been simple. You are with me, or you are with her. And that, god damn his eyes, had caused so much trouble. Why couldn't he understand she wanted both. Both him and Ithiria. She had made it very easy, given her all the choices she wanted. Even though to take some of them meant breaking her vow. That had hurt, hurt her to the core, she mused, breaking her vow. What was her word worth now that she had done that?

The last choice was easy. Mizhara's choice. Accept your sins, accept your treason, pay the price. It is amazing how denial can cloud a mind. Four days ago she was happy, on her knees, collared, and giving her heart, soul and mind to her Mistress, becoming a slave whole heartedly. It was everything she wanted. She was so sure of it. Mizhara proved that wrong, showed her the way.

As she thought back onto those fateful days she looked over at Mizhara. Even though she had been kidnapped, subjected to torture, horror and.... helped... she couldn't look on Miz with any degree of hatred. She had swore blind fury on Ithiria, swore to burn the cluster like she burned her facility. And yet when the pain had grown so much that it was crippling, she had done what she'd always done. Fucked up. Offering Ithiria what she'd thought she wanted had backfired. She had done this to Miz, no one else. Her, Carmilla. How could she tell her now, that in the elevator she had hesistated. Had waited for Miz to come and open the door and pull her our.... had walked slowly across the docking bay because..... useless now. Just as Miz was useless, her prosthetics burned out. Hopefully, Kim could fix it.

She lay huddled in the chair thinking back over the past few days. Her heart had turned to stone when she realised that William had planned this. She had known, but the confirmation from Miz was like running into a wall. As she sat in the chair, bound tightly she had fought as best she could, but the attacks had come from all sides. And eventually she had broken, when she found that Miz was just like her, had the same upbringing, the same horrors and hardships. If not worse. It is difficult to vilify someone who you can identify with. She did wonder for a while if this was part of her plan to break her, but gradually realised it was true. That this was the real Miz coming clean in a place where no one could hear, no one else would ever hear. And that opened the floodgates. Angelina. Victoria. Jonas..... dear sweet Jonas. Her father, Gallicia, the Blooders, the Serpentis. All came out, in an uncontrollable tears stained admission that her life had be brutally hard and even after surviving the worst of humanity... she had failed to realise the most basic tenant of life. Freedom. That which she'd fought so hard for.. and lost.

From where she was, she could hear Miz's breathing. And though she couldn't see it, she pictured quite easily her cold smile. How strange it is, she thought, that this woman who had kidnapped her, had shown more mercy to her than anyone else, save Ithiria. Once the floods had gone, there was only the bare realisation of the facts. A realisation she was powerless to fight against as everything she had said backed up her argument. Carmilla D'Morenta is not a slave... she's a submissive. And it was true. The powers she had, the abilities, the wealth, the position... none of this was a slaves. Never had she seen a slave with such as she had. That was the lynchpin of her entire defence, her Mistress loved her. True, miz had said, I'm not taking that away from you. Never will. I want you to see that you are not a slave. I want you to understand you are not a slave. And I want you to repent.

Aaah, she thought.. her sins. When she had first talked to her she had laughed. She had no sins, she was pure in the service of her Mistress. A few days later she was being whipped, begging for their forgiveness for her sins. She had repented, was still repenting. Her feet still burned when she walked, and she had forced the pain herself when she saw everything falling away from her. Ithiria....

She realised she had said it aloud when Mizhara turned on the bed and looked at her, her blind gaze looking straight through her.
"That's it child, dream of your Mistress. Remember what she looks like before I get my hands on her."
"Miz... shut up."
"So what does it feel like to go from a slavers whore to a slaver? Is it everything you wished for?"
"Miz.... shut up.... just shut up..."
"No. Why don't you shut me up Child. But you cant' can you? For all your strengths, you lack the ability to do what needs to be done. But at least you realised that I need to be locked away from people. Here I cannot burn everything, burn the cluster, burn Ithiria. Could you feel them, child? The flames, searing away all that kept me from destroying even those I am... fond of? Did it burn?"
"I'm not a slaver Miz, shut up... just shut up...."
"You are child, such a dissapointment. You did this. Remember that when you wake up every morning. You. Did. This."
Miz looked at Carmilla, huddled in the chair, more alone now than ever before. She smiled her cold smile as her mind worked overtime.

The next morning Doctor Kim Leander walked into her office and noticed immediately something was wrong. There were lights on, the heads were restless and from the board behind her desk someome was in one of the isolation cells. Picking up a strong sedative and slipping it into a hypno she walked into the back room. She was somewhat surprised to see Carmilla huddled in the chair and a blond sebiestor woman, with ocular implants and what looked like a dead arm sitting crosslegged on the bed looking at Carmilla. she opened the door and walked over to Carmilla, waking her.
"Carm... it's Kim... time to wake up."
"She had a sleepless night, poor child. Dreams of being a slaver... so sad. Your voice is familiar... have we met?"
"No, I don't think so. What are you in here for?"
"She is trying to save me."
"Can she?"
"No."
"Does she know that?"
"Yes. But she is not giving up on me."
"Why not?"
"Maybe... because I didn't give up on her..... in her eyes."
Kim nodded and picked up Carm and carried her back into her office and laid her down on the table, then turned around and saw Miz standing in the doorway.
"Well... if you survived the night with Carm you can survive some time with me."
Mizhara smiled with her cold smile and laughed.
"Yes but can you survive me?"
"Absolutely. Take a seat, I'll get to you in a moment."
Miz remained standing as the doctor went to work on Carmilla.
"She's been cloned recently. All her tattoo's are gone. About time they were. Damn serpentis trash. Was that your doing?"
Miz nodded coldly. "She needed it."
"Goddam, I wish people would stop doing that to her....."
The doctor dragged a large bulky piece of equipment over to her. Miz watched while beams of light played over her body as she was scanned. She slipped behind her terminal and started taping away.
"There is food and drink over there if you want it. Damn, we've got more neural degredation than before. Come here, I need you to hold her down."
Miz laughed. "I'm not in a position to hold anyone down."
"Then just lie across her legs, I'm running out of time here."
She pulled open several cupboards and units and filled two syringes with strange liquids then cursed seeing Miz hadn't moved. She dragged her over and pushed her onto Carms legs.
"I only hope we're not too late."
She jumped on Carmilla's back and holding her head injected a syringe directly into the back of her head and pressed the plunger. Carmilla jumped, but not much. The weight of Kim and Miz holding her body down. Kim grabbed the second syringe and did the same again, this time getting knocked off her back as she rolled around on the table, her body jerking and shaking. Eventually it calmed down and Kim ran another scan, sighed then grabbed a hypo.
"You're Doctor Kim Leander."
"Yes I am, and this is my lab. Get up on the table, I'll see what I can do for your eyes and plastic."
Miz backed away.
"No. Not a chance. I know of you. No way you are getting in my head."
"You prefer the darkness?"
"Darkness?" she barked, "My head is filled with fire. I can see more clearly than ever."
Kim shrugged.
"Suit yourself."

Carmilla awoke on the observation table and looked up at Kim's smiling face.
"Welcome back."
"What happened? You almost turned yourself into a vegetable again. Why didn't you come see me as soon as you knew you'd been cloned? Your gentic inheritance is making itself more noticable. I was lucky this time."
"Would have served me right if I had keeled over and died. Where is Miz?"
"Over here child, didn't you see the flames?"
"You let her out?"
"How was I to know she was a threat? For all I know you two had a lovers quarrel and were sleeping it off."
They both laughed at the same time. Kim lowered her head and whispered in Carm's ear.
"Your friend won't let me look at her. She's a shrewd judge of character and knows me so I can't do anything for her. Also Ithiria pinged security and got a confirmation you were here. Then a few minutes ago we were pinged again, by someone called Misan."
Carmilla sighed.
"Do me a favour Kim. Update my soft clone. I may need it."
She looked over at Miz, who was leaning against a wall.
"I can't leave her like this Kim. I have to do something for her."
"Yeah will do you know what you are doing?"
"No."
"Do you know the consequences?"
"No."
"Same olf Carm."
"No. I've changed a lot... my eys have been opened. And what do I get for it all? I do this to her. I have to save her. I can't live with this guilt."

Thirty minutes later, with Miz secured in her stateroom Carmilla launched the prowler and headed for Thukker space. It wasn't the wisest thing to do, and Ithiria, Esna and Sera would have tried to stop her if they could. But She had to do this. Regardless of the consequences. She had to fix what she'd broken. She was tormented now by her own demons, row after row of them laughing at her. And each one had a cold smile and the dead eyes of Miz.

Decloaking on the approach to the Horned Masquerade she broadcasted a signal. Those ships that had already targetted her paused, then de-targetted. A corridor was setup and the landing bays opened. Carmilla left the bridge as they docked and walked with Miz in her arm to the floor of the docking bay. Across the bay, flanked by armed troops she saw Gherena and Kaelali. Miz squeezed her side with her good arm.
"You will regret this, child."
"I know."
"It may not go well for you."
"I know."
"Brave... but foolish."
"Miz... shut up."
Miz just smiled. It was a cold smile.